David Newton - Christian Comedian/Storyteller/Song Writer

My program is a mix of funny stories from my background growing up in the Ozark mountains of Arkansas, humorous retelling of funny church people and event stories, singing original parody songs with my guitar, and sometimes playing my trumpet. Maybe even a sing-a-long or two! My programs typically run about 45 minutes in length.
My most recent program I call, "Hillbilly Trilogy". "Get Up, Cheer Up, and Look Up". I teach my audience the sign language for these 3 points to help them remember.
"Get Up" - Discouraged? Thinking about giving up? Are you down? The Bible says a righteous man falls 7 times and gets up again! I was going as fast as we could go, riding my Shetland pony named Champ. Down the road in front of grandpa's house with the whole family out in the yard watching. For some reason, Champ did a 90 degree up into the yard at the mailbox, and I went right on down the road. Sitting in the dirt, picking gravel out of my elbow, Dad yelled from the porch, "Get up, David. Get back on 'em! Don't let him get by with that!"
"Cheer Up!" - Everywhere we look there is negativity. It's time to lighten up! The whole world is in God's hands! So laugh a little, have fun a little, be grateful a little, and think about the good things.
"Look Up!" - When times get hard, look up! Down in the dumps? Look up!
Parody songs I have written include:
"Walkie Talkie" - I gave my wife a walkie talkie while she was in bed recovering from surgery. I said , "Just give me a buzz when you need something." Big mistake - I got the walkie, she got the talkie!
"Tire Kwon Do" - A black belt Tae Kwon Do martial arts guy was beating me up. I went to the tool box and got a tire tool! He didn't know I was from Arkansas and I had a black belt tire-kwon-do!
"Lucky Enoch Lucky Me" - Enoch was just walking along one day and God just took him home! He was, and he was not! I hope some day I be walking along and the same thing will happen to me! The rapture of the saints!
"What Child Is This?" - In the horse and buggy days, a revival was held at a brush arbor meeting. There were lots of large families in those days, and babies were asleep in the wagons as the service went on and on. Some teenage boys switched the babies around from wagon to wagon. Some people got all the way home before they realized they had the wrong baby!
My goal when I do a program: to entertain, to make people laugh, and to inspire.

David Newton – Christian Comedian, Storyteller, and Inspirational Speaker

I was born in Clarksville, Arkansas, and raised just 10 miles north in the Redlick community, deep in Rock Creek Hollow. Our 160-acre farm was surrounded on three sides by the Ozark National Forest—a perfect place for a boy to grow up hunting, riding horses, shooting, and just plain having fun. Of course, farm life wasn’t all fun and games. I also hauled hay, milked cows, plowed with horses, and did my fair share of chores. But let me tell you—those chores came with a lifetime supply of stories! Compared to us, those city kids never knew what they were missing.

Even as a boy, I had a natural desire to make people laugh and entertain. That calling followed me into ministry after growing up in our country church. I began as a worship leader in my hometown and eventually followed God’s leading to Sweetwater, Texas… then Albuquerque… then nine years in Midland… and finally to Crossroads Church in Odessa, Texas, where I served for 40 years.

Somewhere along the way, I picked up a guitar and started writing funny parody songs about church life—and life in general. I began traveling to churches and other groups, sharing my stories from the Ozarks, singing my songs, and bringing laughter and encouragement wherever I could.

I married my sweetheart, April Bridges, who also grew up in Clarksville. We met while working at the old Ben Franklin store across from the courthouse. We’ve been blessed with three children, five grandkids, and now two great-grandchildren!

My program is a mix of funny stories, original parody songs, good-natured fun at some of our favorite church folks and events, and uplifting, Bible-based inspiration. It’s Christian comedy with heart—designed to lift your spirit and tickle your funny bone.
David

When it is possible I prefer:
1. A well lit stage and lights on the audience as well.
2. A guitar stand and an orchestra stand.
3. A vocal mic on a boom stand.
4. A direct box for plugging in the guitar with a 1/4" plug.
5. The audience seated close together and close to the front.