Doug Wilson

You can expect a whole bunch of jokes. And that deal comes with a side order of sarcasm, heart, or viscous roasting.

*Note: Whimsy is currently out of stock.

I have been doing comedy for 20 years. My first gig was the third grade talent show. No, I didn't win, if you must ask, but I was up against some pretty tough odds; a Native American girl singing something her great great grandfather learned, I think, on the trail of tears. You can't beat that. Not even the kid belching the ABC's could beat that. But while I didn't win, I am proud to say that I took home a pretty sweet certificate of participation. I think those credentials speak for themselves.

But let me be real. I'm not telling jokes to third graders, anymore. My sense of humor has evolved. Sure, I still tell fart jokes, but now they feature a blind kid demanding to know why he wasn't told about the return of the McRib. (You know... 'cause he can smell it in the fart. Good, right?)

I am a huge fan of well scripted comedy. I take pride in lovingly handcrafting each joke until it's ready for delivery. A lot of my humor is absurd hypotheticals and cynical observation. But those observations ALWAYS have a punch line. I'm not one of those guys who will leave you hanging. I mean, what's up with that? Am I right? Am I right?

So what do I do when I'm not making blind kids smell my farts? I'm a high school teacher. As you can imagine, today's youth is a common target of my jokes. I hope you're just as annoyed by them as I am.

Any comedian worth their salt should be able to tell jokes with nothing more than a microphone, a mic stand, and a stool. This is all I need.

You know what? You can even keep the stand and stool. I don't need much.