The Beat Cop's Guide to Chicago Eats

About

When the Beat Cop pauses from taking a bite out of crime, he takes a bite out of donuts, polish sausage, fried chicken, enchiladas, and omelets...

Lake Claremont Press's 2004 award-winner, The Streets & San Man's Guide to Chicago Eats, delivered tongue-in-cheek style and food-in-mouth expertise by a certified expert of the City of Chicago's Department of Lunch: streets & sanitation department electrician Dennis Foley.

Now, Sgt. David J. Haynes of the Chicago Police Department, and his partner-in-crime, blogger Christopher Garlington, want to take on Foley's street-level guide to the best mom-and-pop food bargains in Chicago with their follow-up:The Beat Cop's Guide to Chicago Eats. "We're funnier, better-looking, and have the street smarts, girth, and weaponry to meet him in any alley, taqueria, or rib joint."

He's no chef, food writer, or restaurateur. A former marine, Sgt. Haynes has spent the past 15 years dodging bullets and chasing down gang bangers on the city's West Side, running Chicago's first ever Homeland Security Task Force, and supervising squads in the 19th District at Belmont and Western. During those years, one of his most daunting tasks--and indeed one of the most important ones--was to get lunch.

Laugh if you want to. Getting lunch for 20 hungry cops who have been riding around in the freezing Chicago winter or blistering summer heat requires a remarkable degree of diplomacy, grit, and street savvy. Seriously, these folks are armed! They're out there putting their lives on the line hour by hour; and when their stomachs are growling, they're not calling for a Big Mac. They want real food--good food--the kind of food that makes them forget about the mean streets of Chi-Town for half an hour. They want Italian beefs, stuffed pizza, and catfish nuggets; they want ribs, red hots, and pulled pork sandwiches.

Navigating this volatile terrain has become second nature to Sgt. Haynes. His knowledge of local eateries comes hard-earned from years on the beat and years of fierce debate with other cops. Haynes's understanding of the best places to get lunch in Chicago makes for an unprecedented blue-collar guide to the best food in the Windy City. You know we're not talking white tablecloths and Perrier.

The cafes and counters in this book are the places where locals go to get a sandwich. They're the places that cater church suppers. Go to one of these joints and you'll sit shoulder to shoulder with pipe fitters, bricklayers, yardmen, sanitation removal engineers, pimps, organized crime leaders, and cabbies.

And cops. Because first and foremost, this book is about where cops eat. On any given day at any of these restaurants, you'll find yourself eating with some of the 11,000 men and women who help keep our city safe. This book is dedicated to them.

"The idea," says Haynes, "is to get in, get a good meal, and get out before your lunch break ends for under ten bucks." Peppered with outrageous stories from working cops, Chicago cop lore, and even a few recipes, The Beat Cop's Guide takes you on a gustatory journey through all five CPD areas, including some of the toughest neighborhoods in the nation.

The Beat Cop's Guide to Chicago Eats comes at a time when Chicagoans really need it. The economy is in a slump like never before. Times are tough. Money is tight. The Beat Cop doesn't just direct you to a great meal for eight bucks--he's secured you your very own police discount. The book retails at $15.95 and includes $34 in coupons. It's like being buddies with your alderman.

Personnel

Chris "Bull" Garlington: Speaker, author, writer
Sgt. David "Biscuit" Haynes: Speaker, Author, writer

Influences

Abbott and Costello; Martin & Lewis; Cagney & Lacey.

What to Expect

Typical Gig Duration: 45 - 70 minutes

Chris and Dave talk about their hilarious book, Chicago food, Chicago cops, where to eat, where NOT to eat, crime and food, and more. They pass out very funny fliers about their book. They divide the audience over an argument about food. They take questions and give hilarious but informative answers. They get into arguments with each other. They deliver a slide show. They sell and sign books. They might bring donuts.

Stage/Setup Requirements:
Mics
Podium
projector & screen
table

Additional Notes:
We're very impressed with venues providing parking or validating parking.

Set/Song/Sequence List:
Chris passes out flyers that may or may not be related to the program.
Dave and Chris are introduced.
Dave and Chris entertain the crap out of your audience.
Dave and Chris start an argument and divide the room against itself.
Dave and Chris take questions, giving away a book for the best one.
Dave and Chris say thanks.
Dave and Chris sell and sign books.

Available for Your

Bar/Lounge, Club/Nightclub, Convention, Corporate Event, Cruise, Fair, Hotel, Seminar, Workshop

Browse Other

Authors in Chicago, Illinois

Search a different location

Whether you hire The Beat Cop's Guide to Chicago Eats or other Authors in Chicago for your party, wedding, or event, Gig Salad makes it super-easy to book professional Authors.

We strongly recommend that all communication be kept on the Gig Salad Booking Platform as you book your Author. When you do, we’re able to offer numerous benefits that we can’t guarantee if you take communication or deposit payment off the Gig Salad platform. Our booking system is easy to use and handles secure deposit payments from you to the Chicago Author of your choice.

Additionally, the quote/agreement sent from your Author to you using the Gig Salad platform, should outline performance fees, extras, arrival and departure times, cancellation policy, insurance information and other details.